Recollections of a First Time Father

I am absolutely exhausted. The last 3 nights are a blur. Out of those 3 nights I probably got about 6 hours of solid sleep. I slept on a chair in the hospital that rolls out to become a lousy bed. Now it is the 4^th night, our first night home. I just made some dinner, washed the dishes, and did last week’s laundry. I still have homework that needs to be done for school tomorrow. My wife usually does all of these things (except my homeworkJ). Right now she is sleeping with our newborn baby, Elsie. Is it worth it, to wear myself out for my wife and daughter? Let me tell you. Heck yeah it is! Let me tell you why.

 

 

 

 

After witnessing the culminating event of 9 months of pregnancy, I found myself reflecting on the whole process. If there were to be one conclusion I have gained from this experience, it would be this: Us males are not worthy of our female counterparts. What they go through just to get to the extremely sublime and sacred moment is unbelievable. We’re talking: morning sickness, insomnia, heartburn, countless doctors’ appointments (being probed and poked, etc.), back pain, arthritis, pain in general, weight gain, a rapidly changing body, acne, mood swings, hormonal imbalances, having to swallow nasty tasting horse pills, etc……not to mention all of their regular chores and responsibilities that they have to take care of. Then they have to give birth. There are parts of a pregnancy that are hard on the man, but it is not comparable. What are dinners and dishes once in a while compared to what they have to do? Put plainly and simply; we are not worthy of them!

Let me share some of my other thoughts that I have had throughout this experience so far.

Michelle is such an amazing woman. She has ultimately made the decision to put some of her worldly goals and aspirations on hold in order for us to have a family, something of much greater eternal value. Seeing how much she has grown since I have known her makes me so proud that I am the lucky guy who gets to be her eternal companion. She is constantly seeking improvement. She is always putting me and others before herself. Her care for our daughter, Elsie, is amazing. Though she would humbly say there is much room for improvement, there isn’t. She is an amazing mother and wife!

 

Life has changed. I think that is the best and easiest way to sum it up. I remember seeing Elsie for the first time. I felt like I was standing on Heaven’s doorstep just by being in her presence. I still feel that way. She is the cutest little bundle of joy. It doesn’t matter what she does, at this point I am just proud to be her father. She puts a smile on my face every single time I see her. She is so innocent and pure and unmarked from the world. My life and Michelle’s too, has become a mission to love, nurture, provide, protect, and teach Elsie to the best of our abilities concerning things physically and spiritually. Life is all about our little family.

This revelation was very enlightening to me. Before having my own family I had always thought that the love that I shared with my parents was an equal love. I was wrong. After seeing my sweet little innocent daughter and holding her in my arms, I realized that my parents’ love for me was more than my love for them. Not to take anything away from the love that I have for them, because that love is immeasurable, but it is not the same as parental love. It is hard to understand because out of everyone in the world you love your family and especially your parents and spouse the most. It is the most love that you have to offer, that is until you have your own children. When Michelle and I started our own little family by having Elsie, I realized that my parents love me more than I do them. This is a love that it takes becoming a parent to understand.

 

 When Elsie was born she was having difficulty breathing, so she was put on oxygen. In order to determine whether or not to admit her to the Newborn Intensive Care Unit they took off the oxygen to test how she would react on her own. I was at the foot of her bed rooting her on. All that I wanted and cared about was for her to be successful and to be healthy. I realized then that I would give anything for her to be safe and healthy, even my life. I know that I will always have that kind of love her. That is the love of a parent for a child.   

 

I am thankful for the experience I have had of becoming a father. This experience has deepened my testimony of the Plan of Salvation. The joy that has come into my life because of my wife and daughter is something that I want to last forever. I know that it will. I invite anyone who is interested in knowing what I know about how families can be together forever to ask me about it, to learn about it from Mormon.org, or from the missionaries that I can send to see you. I am thankful for the divine capacity that women have to bear children. What a blessing the special women in my life are (wife, daughter, mom, sister, grandmothers, aunts, in-laws, etc.)!  I love all of you!